October can bring a fresh round of conferences, professional gatherings, and invitations that seemed like a good idea when you accepted them.
Then you arrive.
People are standing in little groups. Someone is laughing. Everyone appears to have found their people, while you are developing a surprisingly close relationship with the refreshments table.
If walking into a room where you don’t know anyone feels uncomfortable, give yourself a manageable first step. You don’t have to work the whole room. Start with one conversation.
Look for a possible opening
Before approaching a group, take a moment to notice what’s happening.
Are people standing with space for someone else to join? Is someone looking around or making eye contact? Has the conversation reached a natural pause?
These can be useful clues, although you can’t tell everything from a few seconds of watching. A tightly gathered group may be discussing something private, or they may simply be trying to hear each other.
If a group seems occupied, look elsewhere. You’re choosing a place to begin, not auditioning for admission to every conversation in the room.
Use a simple opening line
You don’t need to say something clever.
“Hi, may I join you?” is perfectly reasonable at an event where people have come to meet others.
If you’re approaching one person, try:
- “Is this your first time at this event?”
- “What brought you here today?”
- “Have you been to any of the sessions yet?”
Introduce yourself, then give them room to answer. You can follow something they say rather than mentally preparing your next three questions.
If you join a group mid-conversation, listen for a moment. “What were you discussing?” can help you catch up, rather than changing the subject before you know what it was.
Find another starting point if you need one
Sometimes a group is deep in conversation, or the timing simply doesn’t work. That’s useful information about that moment, not a verdict on your social skills.
You can move on without turning it into a personal investigation.
Try speaking to someone waiting beside you, sitting near you before a session, or arriving at the same time. You can also ask a host:
“This is my first time here. Is there someone you think I should meet?”
Hosts may be able to help with an introduction. Let them know what interests you so they have something useful to work with.
Leave as naturally as you arrived
A good conversation doesn’t have to last all evening.
“It was lovely talking with you. I’m going to take a look around before the next session” gives you a straightforward way to move on.
If you’d like to stay in touch, ask before you part: “Would you be happy to connect on LinkedIn?” or “May I email you that resource we were discussing?”
Then follow through on what you offered.
For your next fall event, set a small goal: introduce yourself to one person and learn something about them.
You can always have another conversation after that. The refreshments table will survive without you.
Diane
If you would like to work with me, let’s talk! Book a call here.
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Diane Darling is an author, speaker, and entrepreneur. See Diane in action and learn more about her topics here. McGraw-Hill published her books, The Networking Survival Guide and Networking for Career Success, now in 9 languages. She published, "She Said It: A collection of quotes by remarkable women."
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